Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Dollars & Sense - Thank You, Replacement Referees

We all thought that being an NFL referee was the most thankless job on the face of the earth.  Think again my friends.  The most thankless job in the world is being a replacement NFL referee.  No matter how bad they did their job, I think that we all owe them one.  Let’s all raise a glass to the replacement referees, and if you’re at a bar with a replacement referee as you read this, then buy him (or her) a cold one.

Thank you, replacements referees, for all of the botched calls.  There were too many to begin naming.  You called penalties that never occurred.  You didn’t call penalties that did occur.  You called offensive pass interference on the defense.  You spotted balls on the opposite teams’ yard lines.
Thank you, replacement referees, for wasting our time.  You convened on calls longer than the real referees and Roger Goodell negotiated their new contract.  You reviewed plays that should have been routine calls.
Thank you, replacement referees, for making us all forget about the most pertinent issues in the NFL.  You made us all forget that the NFL says they want a safer league.  You made us forget about bounty gate purposely injuring people.  You made us all forget about retired players suing the league because they blatantly ignored safety issues.

Thank you, replacement referees, for blatantly changing the outcomes of games.  You didn’t just choose the obscure 4:15 west coast game though.  You changed the outcomes of the most watched games of each week!  Your affect on the games was so prevalent that experts couldn’t even pin your follies down to one specific play.

More importantly thank you, replacement referees for all of the laughs on Sundays.  We laughed at you not knowing which way the television camera was pointing when you called a penalty.  We laughed at you stealing the headlines of a $10 billion business.  We laughed at your public displays of fanhood, consequently making your Facebook page the most famous Facebook page in the United States for one whole weekend. 

All of this added together leads to the biggest thank yous of all.  Thank you for stepping on NFL fields across the country on three weeks of Thursdays, Sundays, and Mondays and simultaneously giving the real referees more leverage against Roger and the NFL. 

I don’t know any real referees, but I’m sure they thank you as well.  They definitely thank you for giving them their jobs back.  Most importantly the real NFL referees thank you for stealing the title of most thankless job in the world.

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